You Might Be Humble If . . .

I tried this once before. Let’s examine the question, “You might be humble if. . .” Is that a question? The question is, “how do you complete that sentence?” Here goes.

You might be humble if you had a choice between attending the funeral of someone you barely knew or spending the day walking through an antique mall and you chose the first. Okay, so I chose the second, but I really didn’t know anyone who was at that funeral. So shoot me and then go to an antique mall during my funeral.

You might be humble if you found yourself arriving at the entrance to a store just ahead of an elderly woman and you paused to hold the door open for her before you entered. Of course, you may have been very humble but needed to get inside to the bathroom really, really fast and the woman was really, really, really slow.

You might be humble if you stopped at a red light behind a silver Ford Explorer which was unaware when the light changed to green and made you sit through another red light but you sat calmly refusing to honk or act unseemly. Even if you imagined yourself in a monster big-wheeler rolling your tires over the inconsiderate cell-phone talker’s SUV, you still behaved with humility.

You might be humble if you were in a theatre sitting next to a family of six, not including dad who was probably enjoying time away from his noisy, odor-some offspring, and even though you were trying to watch a movie you had been excited about seeing, you dodged popcorn and stupid questions without a scowl or growl and even patted one of the sticky children on the head not very hard as the movie ended and you departed.

You might be humble if you went through an entire Monday at work without a mention of the terribly frustrating weekend you survived and made no one aware of the heights of humbleness you climbed or the depths of humility through which you waded not wishing to call attention to the volumes of virtue from which you could elucidate but won’t.

Yeah! So there!