Charisma

John Maxwell says the quality that draws other people to a leader can be summarized in one word: CHARISMA. In his book Be A People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective Relationships, Maxwell says “the potential to be charismatic lies within each of us, but first we must remove hindrances from the development of this important personality characteristic.” The very first hindrance he gives is PRIDE. People are not drawn to someone who is arrogant and prideful. Maxwell explains that pride is a roadblock to charisma because "a prideful person will have a tendency to look down on other people."

We are not drawn to people who are full of themselves. We are, however, drawn to people who exhibit at least a little humility. People who are humble are approachable. They are touchable. They are warm and real. Those who are pride-full repel us. We aren’t sure we can trust them. We are challenged by their conceit to find a flaw, a chink in their armor. They may think they have charisma, but what they have is obnoxia.

If we are alarmed by selfishness and charmed by selflessness, what sort of persons should we want to be? If we enjoy people, want their company and want to invest our lives in them, we will learn to be humble. Humility will be among the qualities which we covet and practice. We will despise egotism and egoism when we see it in ourselves as much as we dislike it when we find it in others. We will be drawn more toward those in whom we find humility and influenced less by those with swagger and gall. We will become more honest and authentic, and finally find what Maxwell means by charisma.

The Litany of Humility

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val was a Roman Catholic Cardinal in the very early part of the 20th Century. He served as secretary of the conclave of 1903 that elected Pope Pius X. Merry del Val was a very influential Cardinal and is given credit for encouraging Pope Pius X to accept his election as Pope. Rafael was born as Rafael María José Pedro Francisco Borja Domingo Gerardo de la Santísma Trinidad Merry del Val y Zulueta. At six years of age, he learned his full name by memorizing the acrostic using his initials with the phrase, “Roman men justifying puerile foolish behavior don’t get sacraments through my vestal zone.” Actually, I made that up. As a youth he shortened his name to Rudy. Actually, I made that up too. But I didn’t make up his full name. The blame for that belongs to his mother, father, grandparents, and god-parents.

The reason I mention Cardinal Merry del Val is that he wrote the “Litany of Humility.” This popular prayer found in many prayer-books is quite good. It expresses a desire for humility of the highest degree. It makes me question the sincerity of my own wishes to be humble. I supply the prayer here for your consideration and critique.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
Others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should…

My Humility List

A book I enjoy leafing through now and then is titled, “List Your Self, Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery” by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick. It is three hundred pages of lines with the list title at the top of each page. The book touts itself as “A provocative, probing and personal expedition into your mind, heart, and soul.” That, of course, is only true if the reader (lister) probs provocatively and personally into their mind, heart and soul to create the various lists suggested. For me it is a very enjoyable exercise in personal reflection. I had fun with the, “List all the things you’ve made or built by hand.” The “List all the things you’d like to say to your mother,” was good therapy. I add to that list almost every time I pick up the book. I plan to think for a while before writing the, “List all the places you’ve been that made you feel immortal, moved to tears, or omnipotent.” The last grouping of lists in the book is called, “Suddenly.” I haven’t made any of these yet. One is called, “Suddenly you can talk to animals. List the ones you want to converse with and why.” I have a very large plecostomus. I would love to know what is on his or her mind.

If it is in the book, I haven’t found it, but, It would be interesting to make a daily list of my personal acts of humility. Today’s list would be blank. Can we claim humility if we can’t point to an act of humility? This may be similar to what The Book of James says about faith and works. “Show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” (James 2:18) If we can’t identify an act of humility in our day’s activity, how can we consider ourselves humble? I actually planned to do something really humble today for my Humility List. The positive thing about that is I found myself searching for an opportunity to exhibit humility. That is good. The unfortunate thing about that is I didn’t accomplish a single humble act. Wait! That sounded pretty humble, didn’t it? I could put on my Humility List: I humbly admitted to a lack of humility. Maybe, with a daily admission to a lack of humility, I could learn how to be more humble. A list could help. A conscious effort to perform an act of humility, in order to have something to add to a Humility List, could encourage more Humilous behavior, thereby showing my humility by my works. Maybe I should change the list name from Humility List to “How am I Humble?, Let Me Count The Ways.”

Judging Judy

The ease with which we quickly judge the stranger on the street is a testimony to the ample arrogance and pride present within us. The discipline required to avoid judging is an example of the strength and power of humility. One must be very humble to resist the urge to judge. Jesus asks, “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” I think we do that because our pride views our own faults through the wrong end of a telescope while looking at the faults of others through a microscope. Pride enables us to build up ourselves by tearing down others.

Attempting to stop judging others is an exercise in humility. I’m not going to judge. I’m not going to judge. Just when I tell myself, “I’m not going to judge” a young freakish looking teenager comes in to view with his hand on the crotch of his pants to keep them from falling down. I am not going to judge. I will not judge him. I am withholding judgment. I realize that I must try to have a positive thought about the teen to draw my focus away from his humongous speck. In the midst of my moment of misery a middle aged woman appears. Oh great! This woman looks like she has been living on a diet of Pop-Tarts and Twinkies. Her hugeness is not going to cause me to judge. I am not going to judge. I cannot judge her. It’s not going to happen. Breathe deeply. Look away. Ooops! I didn’t mean for my eyes to become fixed on a co-worker with whom I have had numerous problems. I am not going to judge even though a video tape is playing countless scenes in my head. Stop the tape! I will not judge. I will not judge!!!

Children. Let’s just watch the children. They are small and sweet. There isn’t anything about them that tempts me to judge. They are playful and beautiful, most of the time. Sometimes they can be way too rowdy and loud and disrespectful. That is because their parents don’t teach them right from wrong, or they are divorced, or they never married, or they’re vegetarians. Most parents are too selfish or too lazy to give their children the kind of love and spankings they deserve. That is why children become teens with their pants around their knees, or they put on pounds and pounds of ugly flesh, or become contentious coworkers. . . . But, I am not going to judge. I’m not. I’m too humble for that.

The Enemy of Peace

Pride is a great spoiler of peace and contentment. I watched a much older man than I insist on participating in work from which he could easily have been excused. Pride drives him, as it does many men and women, to attempt things which are as unnecessary as they are dangerous. A little humility would allow him to avoid injury, enjoy the peace and tranquility of old age, and resist the desire to prove “I can still do it.” Pride does the same thing to the young folk. It causes young men to refuse help or advice from their wife or mother. It causes young women to resist assistance from their husband or mother. Pride turns a harmless situation into competition. Pride keeps us on edge and guarded. Humility can un-ruffle feathers, allow the blood pressure to return to normal, and drop the defensive barriers which we so quickly erect. Pride is our enemy. It is the enemy of relationships, progress, and good health.

I know a man who drove the loop around Atlanta for three days because his pride kept him from asking for directions. Actually I don’t, . . . but it could happen. Pride doesn’t keep us from going places but it keeps us from getting places. I ate at a restaurant once because I was too proud to walk away when I realized I was at the wrong restaurant. I bought an extra item at the hardware store one day because my pride wouldn’t let me stand in line at the register with only a two dollar item. Pride makes us crazy. Have you ever dangerously driven out into traffic because you were worried what the people waiting in cars behind you might think about you if you took too long? That’s pride at work. When God demands that we become humble it is for our own good. God wants us to drop the pride and enjoy the abundant life. With pride out of the way, we can lean upon God, learn from God, and realize the peace and contentment that He has granted all who love Him and humbly trust in His Son. Proverbs 22:4 says, “The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life.”